Building Self-Confidence: The Key to Success and Happiness

Man can be as great as he wants, if he believes in himself.

Belief in one’s own abilities, as psychologists and scholars say, is the first step towards fulfillment, success, and a happy life. Belief in oneself and in people and the world around us gives us a great deal of creative power. It’s like a source that fuels us.

Self-belief and one’s own abilities are closely linked to a sense of self-worth. If we have a negative opinion of ourselves, it’s no wonder that it’s hard for us to believe that something can succeed. Usually, for this reason, we give up many opportunities and deprive ourselves of various possibilities that we could achieve if we dared to take risks and try something new. Everyone around us says and writes that if you want to fulfill your dreams and achieve great goals, all you need is self-confidence. I agree with this because self-confidence influences every aspect of people’s lives. So, the question is, why do so many of us lack self-belief? Why is it so difficult to believe in our own abilities?

The greatest natural strength that is closely related to a high sense of self-worth, and above all, agency, is acquired as a child. It starts when our childhood and the initial shaping of our psyche were good enough that we trust ourselves to handle even difficult moments. If we had a good home, we have self-confidence in ourselves from an early age. Belief in people and the world that our parents conveyed to us, and through that belief in ourselves, gives us the greatest power. Isn’t it true that if you feel you have a greater or lesser influence on what happens, you also have the desire to act, the desire for a good, happy life? This probably happened in your home, so there is a good chance that your parents behaved the same way. However, it is not entirely correct to categorize people from a good home as self-confident and those from homes with problems as having very low self-esteem. Even if we had a difficult start, we can still feel strong. People who, despite various traumas and disruptions, and despite not being equipped with this natural resource, often manage to get by. They develop more or less constructive defense mechanisms. Such people are guided by the saying ‘I only rely on myself.’ They care about their sense of control and influence. As long as they have health, a job, money, and a sense of agency, they feel strong. However, they completely disconnect from their weaknesses and often do not acknowledge them. They deny feeling fear. They dismiss threats. In extreme situations, they can act calmly. But unfortunately, this is superficial strength. They have the belief that everything depends on me, although in the long run, it may prove to be too heavy to bear. It usually leads to workaholism, extreme sports, distancing themselves from people, difficulties in close, intimate relationships, or many other dependencies. However, it is not entirely a bad resource. It is a kind of self-confidence. It allows us to survive when we couldn’t rely on loved ones as children. Now it saves us. People who have dealt with threats, survived, and not broken down after significant trauma can be proud of themselves – although it may sound terrible, quoting Friedrich Nietzsche: ‘What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,’ so they are toughened by it. This builds their self-trust, and it must be acknowledged that such people always have the will to fight.

If we accept ourselves, consider ourselves valuable, capable, and talented, we are happy to manifest it in our environment. The same is true when we feel inferior and do not believe in our abilities. Of course, in that case, we do not openly manifest it, but such a view is revealed in our attitudes toward ourselves and in the actions we take. If we feel unworthy and do not believe that something can succeed, we don’t even attempt it.

How can you recognize that someone has low self-esteem? This type of attitude is revealed in behaviors such as:

Shyness and a great fear of public appearances,
Resistance to setting ambitious goals for oneself,
Avoiding new challenges,
Uncertainty about one’s own opinions and constant seeking of the opinions of authorities,
Comparing oneself to others (seeing mostly flaws in oneself),
Concealing one’s successes behind external factors beyond one’s control,
Lack of self-actualization,
Avoiding or severely limiting social contacts,
Lack of assertiveness in relationships with others.

'What doesn't kill us makes us stronger,'

Friedrich Nietzsche

Such people usually come from families where parents set the bar too high and projected their own ambitions onto their children. When such a child comes home and boasts about a good grade, instead of congratulations, they may expect questions like, ‘How did others do?’ or ‘A five? Why not a six?’ When the child fails to meet the parents’ high expectations, they become distant and judgmental. In this way, they send numerous signals that their love is not unconditional and that one must earn it. Due to such influences, a child or later, an adult, begins to consider themselves inferior, unworthy of acceptance and approval. They fear trying new things out of fear of failure. They prefer to do nothing rather than risk making a mistake and being ridiculed. They handle criticism poorly because they generalize it to their entire self-image: if they do something wrong or have a flaw, it’s as if their whole being is worthless.

So, what is the best remedy for low self-esteem? In my opinion, it is another person or even a group of people who help you through difficult times. Mutual support, laughter, fun, and finding solutions together. The awareness that you care about your loved ones, that you have support in them, that you are important to them – gives you a lot of inner strength. The source of strength can also be passion, an idea, or religion. In other words, values that provide a sense of influence and purpose. But also engaging in constructive activities, such as helping others or taking care of time for oneself. Yes, self-confidence can be developed even after the worst experiences, but it requires significant commitment from the person who wants to believe in themselves and become even greater in their own eyes. You can learn to cope, but you also need to remember not to be afraid to ask for help when your influence reaches its limit.